Forever

Forever to me is my marriage, my love for my family both sides near and far, always loving the people in my life now and people that were but for some reason are not now, my first born always being my very first feeling of utter reason for being and always being my first taste of what a real feeling of being needed feels like , and its the love for my friends that are and have been my friends throughout life.. forever to me is support that I will never stop needing.
Forever to me is also something I can't fix, something that will never go away, its something out of our control, its something that as a mother we all go through emotionally , .. not being able to fix something that will forever affect your life, your families lives, your friends lives, .. my forever is Blake having Down Syndrome.
Forever is how long I want him to stay safe in my arms, and how long I wish he would stay 3 months old.
Forever to me is realizing I'm not waking up from a bad dream, I simply am waking up to this precious life of mine that is still amazing its just forever different now and realizing we have no control over our lifes plan , it is not in our hands anymore. Forever is what we make of it.
Forever to me is acceptance of all things that are forever....
I am working on it........

Gifts

I'm not gonna lie, ...I was terrified, ...the second those words came out of the Drs mouth the day after Blakey arrived " Your son shows classic signs of Down Syndrome."
Why us, I thought, ..we don't have this in either side of the family, we know nothing about this. I felt that I have failed my husband, my family and my son Chase. I was supposed to give them a perfect new baby boy, someone that can play ball, someone who will sing at the top of his lungs and make everyone laugh even though he sings off key, someone they will all come to see during his Christmas Pagents. I had failed and I didn't understand why this was happening to me... what did I do wrong ?
But what is perfect , ?
I know now that Babies with disabilities are not given to people as punishment, ..they are given to us as gifts. We are fortunate to have him exactly how he is , and how he is is exactly how he was meant to be in this world. This was not a series of unfortunate events for our family...we were hand picked out of this huge world to raise this beautiful baby boy. To watch him grow and to thrive in an environment full of love, companionship, family values and hope.
We are the lucky ones,
Blakey has a 100 % clean bill of health - his heart is perfect, as is his vision and hearing- he smiles all the time now, and his brother LOVES to hold him and feed him..and when Blakey smiles, he lights up the room. He continues to baffle doctors with his strength and his health. As of now, he only shows physical features of down syndrome...he has amazing strength and is absolutely on track with babies that do not have DS. Time will tell of the challenges this will bring him in the future...but we will tackle them head on together and with a willingness to learn all we have been missing out on before he made his debut.
In our travels through life, we discover that it doesn't matter where you land. What's more important is what you make of your journey and how you see and enjoy the very special things that your personalized life has to offer. Yes, about 3 months ago we landed in a place we hadn't planned. Yet we are thankful, for this destination has been richer than we could have ever imagined
Take your time buddy, ...we will not rush you - everything you do will be at your own pace , we are not in a hurry !
And for whoever does the choosin in life, Thank you for choosing us !

Blakeys heart is 100% healthy...

I want to thank each and every one of you for all of your well wishes and prayers for our family these last couple of weeks-... Blake had his Cardiology appointment this morning, and has a very healthy heart . We know the odds of heart problems that comes with a Downs diagnosis , and know that we are very lucky......so today, we are breathing easy ( no pun intended).....

****Little high fives from Blakey****

We love you All-... Have a super fantastic week !!

Kel, Dave, Chase and Blake Greeninger

Positive results-...

Hello Friends-
Today was Blakes Doctors appointment- and just as I had suspected- the results for his test came back positive for Down Syndrome-..
I was telling my friend here, it is a bittersweet day, because now we can be at peace and have that quiet acceptance.. now that we know-... But with that comes just a bit of sadness, because now we know-...
I'm just glad this step is behind us,..and we can take a few more steps forward to the next road bump..which will be the cardiologist appointment, which I am confident will turn out as it should... as will this all !!

This kid is so beautiful-..and I can't wait for you all to squeeze his squishy smell good baby cheekies !!

Much Love from the KC Greeninger Homefront-....... enjoy a few of my favorite pics !

Love,
Kel, Dave, Chase and Blake Greeninger

Reasons

Hi Friends-...

We are all home, safe and sound- and Blake is settling into his new surroundings, I think he's a bit lonely today because Chase is at school-... and he is getting used to being held all the time by his big brother who HAS to hold him when he is near .. he made me promise this morning when he got home he could hold him- heh ! The simple things.....

I wanted to let you all know what is going on with us right now because you are all the most important people to us, and I feel like I just need to put this out there in order to progress to where I need to be and move forward a bit-.. Friday Blake arrived at 755am- big cheekies ..picture of health, 10 and 10- and we had a wonderful wonderful day getting to know each other and he getting to know the rest of the family as well-... he barely makes any noise, only cries when he is chilly, and getting the diapey changed-... then Sat- as I was getting in the shower , the pediatrician came in and did some checking and said he has some concerns, because Blake has some classic signs of Downs Syndrome............ boom-.. that sentence that came out of that doctors mouth, so nonchalantly, as if he just told me his eyes look blue now but may turn brown-... will forever ring in my head, and have changed my life forever-
So...they drew blood, and this test will take up to 2 weeks to come back-... right now, they don't see any of the health problems that come along with it- but we have to go see a cardiologist next week, and time will tell what other challenges this may bring
... but you know what guys-... Its been 4 days now- and I just know it-..I've cried about it, I've stayed awake every night in the hospital just holding him and I know.. I just know Blake Thomas Greeninger has this..- it has been a fear of mine since my first pregnancy with Chase-, ... it is something that has been given to us for a reason- and we may not know what the reason is right now- and we may not think this is fair...but I think today- I am ready to accept it- and tell all my friends, because this is a real thing we are going to tackle head on , and learn a lot about and we have to make sure this precious little boy gets as much love, and has as normal of a life as he can - ... it is something that happens the night of conception and all cells get an extra Chromosome 21 - it is purely because of 1 chromosome and it is just the luck of the draw in life-...It is referred to as Trisomy 21, but mostly you will hear it called Down Syndrome. Neither of us have this in our family, neither of us know anything about it-... but we will-... and I believe he was handpicked for us, ..and put in our family, because he deserves a loving big brother, and because Dave and I are strong enough to handle this-. He is such an awesome baby he looks like a little buddha, big ole cheekies-... smiles, he's absolutely beautiful- and was given to us exactly as he should be- he's still our perfect little baby boy-...

I love you all- and I will keep you all posted, ok !!

Love,
Kel, Dave, Chase and Blake Greeninger

Are you home now ?

I miss you.
Did you know how much I loved you before you left ? Did you miss me, I know it had been a while since we had seen each other ?... Today is not a good day for me, .. it started out good, but my thoughts keep turning to you, and I feel like we had unfinished business... I was not ready for you to go yet, ..Were you ready ? Did you hurt ? I'm sorry I couldn't come in the room right away to say goodbye, but it didn't look like you..not the You that I remember, nor the you that I want to remember.... but I won't remember you that way. Can you see me now , ..are you here ? I feel like you are, and I told Dave that I can feel you all around me. I like that feeling, .. it reminds me of all the weekends we spent together.. all the stories about the olden days.. toasting in the New Year with Grape juice.. looking out in the crowd during games and always seeing your beautiful White hair and you watching me and cheering me on. I hope you are still watching, and I hope you never stop cheering.
Every good memory I have growing up, you are part of.
I miss you- ... I was not finished, and I was not ready for you to go-
I love you Nan-
In Memory of My Grandmother "Nana" Lucille Freiberg-
11/10/17- 5/11/07

Boy Crazy

I had all the signs, and I had resolved myself to the fact, that against what I could see for myself in the future, despite what I saw in my daydream out the back window, a yard full of boys, ... I was certain this time, I was having a girl ........ and I had accepted it... the cliche', .."As long as she's healthy" was all I could think-...... ok not really- ALL I could think was WHAT WILL I DO WITH A GIRL ??? But it was a good kind of what will I do- I was ready for the new challenge- the wiping from front to back, the not being sprayed from the front when caught with your guard down, ... Dave and I went for our Sonogram on Friday afternoon, .. and I could of stayed there for hours, I forgot how cool it is to watch that baby moving and opening and closing its hands, the heart beating...everything happening the way it should be , thank goodness- .. I told everyone we were going just to hear someone confirm to us that we are having a baby girl, .. because I already knew !
WRONG- after much probing and prodding and moving and shifting- the little "GUY part" made its appearance- and I was so so happy- and surprised and happy, ... and then surprised again-
I gotta say, .. it takes me back a little to when I was young- .. I lost my Dad at a very young age- But not just that, .. our whole family really was absent of Males- There were no Fathers, or brothers, or Grandfathers, no Uncles .. .. I mean really absent - they were all gone... Yes, my Mom remarried and has been for over 23 years, and he's a wonderful man to her- he treats her like a queen- ... but my whole life, .. I've missed that- I've wanted brothers, I've wanted to hear myself, or just someone say the word Dad, or Grandpa-... and I feel like being a mother to boys and having a husband like Dave is just a way of things coming back around, full circle- I not only get to be close to brothers, .. but I made them- I get to be with a Dad and see how one works every single day of my life , and I get to watch my kids talk about their Grandpas and Pawpaw and have them and hold them... this all makes me smile-
I love this life, and I am grateful for this gift-
I love you boys-
Dad, .. I know you would be proud and I miss the thought of you- xoxo

How can my heart split in two ??

In the winter of 02- a year after Dave and I married and 5 days before our anniversary, .. something wonderful happened-... Christmas Eve, we were set to take a carriage ride with the whole family through the park and to see Christmas lights, .. but something was different about this day.. I realized I was late .. and when I say late- we all know I don't mean late for being anywhere-....... yes, that kind of late-.. I remember rushing out, buying the tests , the one with 2 in the box... I took the first one, and quickly a positive showed- ... certainly it was wrong-... I took the 2nd, .. same quick affirmation. WOA, .. what do I do, .. suddenly I felt like a teenager again, ... I cant tell my parents, then they'll know I had sex !!! What will Dave say, .. will he be mad- , upset, scared, .. oh lord- the thoughts-.. But we don't want kids, .... we want boats, and lake houses, .. and money.... now what-................ that was 4 years ago this Christmas..
Christmas Eve 06-... we were getting ready to go out to celebrate our Anniversary, and the holidays with the family, .... and I thought to myself, .. I know I am late- but certainly not-.. maybe I should just check just in case.. Daves lil sis ran out, and came back with the tests- and it seems like before the pxx even hit the strip- BOOM- a quick plus sign appeared-.. and it seemed like time kind of stood still for a minute-... did I actually hear laughing, .. was that damn plus sign actually smiling and winking at me- ?? AGAIN ??? But how can this be ... we want boats, and a lake house, .. and Money-...
I don't know how my heart can possibly have room to love the way I already love, .. can my heart really split in two.. all I know now, is that this is what life is all about- I love that sweet little voice in the morning that says, "Mommy time wake up"... I love wondering who this new little creation is going to look like, ... if it will be a boy or a girl, ... will he have a brother or a sister ?? I love this part of life- and I know, .. these things are more precious than anything we could ever "Buy",,, so our boat is one that we play with in the bath,... our " lake house" is actually Diegos rescue center that we play with on the floor- and our Money is just that monopoly money we put in Chases wallet so he can get gas for his "motorcycle" that he rides through the kitchen.
We truly have everything we want- and we are very blessed !!! Can't wait for August 07 to meet the new little Green !!
xoxo
Have a great weekend !!
Kel