Boy Crazy

I had all the signs, and I had resolved myself to the fact, that against what I could see for myself in the future, despite what I saw in my daydream out the back window, a yard full of boys, ... I was certain this time, I was having a girl ........ and I had accepted it... the cliche', .."As long as she's healthy" was all I could think-...... ok not really- ALL I could think was WHAT WILL I DO WITH A GIRL ??? But it was a good kind of what will I do- I was ready for the new challenge- the wiping from front to back, the not being sprayed from the front when caught with your guard down, ... Dave and I went for our Sonogram on Friday afternoon, .. and I could of stayed there for hours, I forgot how cool it is to watch that baby moving and opening and closing its hands, the heart beating...everything happening the way it should be , thank goodness- .. I told everyone we were going just to hear someone confirm to us that we are having a baby girl, .. because I already knew !
WRONG- after much probing and prodding and moving and shifting- the little "GUY part" made its appearance- and I was so so happy- and surprised and happy, ... and then surprised again-
I gotta say, .. it takes me back a little to when I was young- .. I lost my Dad at a very young age- But not just that, .. our whole family really was absent of Males- There were no Fathers, or brothers, or Grandfathers, no Uncles .. .. I mean really absent - they were all gone... Yes, my Mom remarried and has been for over 23 years, and he's a wonderful man to her- he treats her like a queen- ... but my whole life, .. I've missed that- I've wanted brothers, I've wanted to hear myself, or just someone say the word Dad, or Grandpa-... and I feel like being a mother to boys and having a husband like Dave is just a way of things coming back around, full circle- I not only get to be close to brothers, .. but I made them- I get to be with a Dad and see how one works every single day of my life , and I get to watch my kids talk about their Grandpas and Pawpaw and have them and hold them... this all makes me smile-
I love this life, and I am grateful for this gift-
I love you boys-
Dad, .. I know you would be proud and I miss the thought of you- xoxo