3 years ago I held you... It's like it was just last night but it feels like its been a lifetime. I remember everything...your smell... you always smelled amazing... the clothes I had on, the clothes you had on.. , the look on that nurses face from across the table as they tried to save you... and the look on Daddys face as he rushed through that door moments after your heart stopped beating and finally, I remember the very moment I watched your little soul leave your body, I watched your face change a bit as it did....as if it hovered just for a moment to make sure we were going to be ok......... and then it went.......
I remember wondering... how will our life ever go on... how will we survive ?
I often wonder if certain things hadn't happened how would life be for us ? I still feel like I'm lucky- we are lucky for the life experiences we have had so far... soo many good- and some a bit harder to see the good... but they've made us this family...this unit. I think we are stronger than ever. Dave and I both thank each other often..and we both think the other does more than ourself... he once said to me... See babe- that's why we're always going to stay strong and happy, ..We are grateful... for each other... He is right...
Days like today are a reflection... not necessarily a bad day, or an even more sad day than others... but a day to really consider things and reflect. Am I on a good path....is my family thriving... is there something I could be doing that maybe I'm not... or should I be more passionate about something I've been meaning to be ? I think this is proof that our life lessons are working and still teaching us... a reminder that if you walk in the garden and your roses aren't growing as big as you'd like or as vibrant........... it is time to pick the weeds. Get rid of the things and really be done with anything that is keeping your life from flourishing. These are the things that are important... real life stuff....
I miss that little boy more than any feeling in this world... I cannot compare any other instance or put into words how it feels everyday to wake up knowing I have a child in heaven and not here.... But I can see him working in our lives, our families lives and all of our true friends lives and it makes me feel like he is still here...and still mine.
I love our reflection, he is part of it....and I love our life....
I remember wondering... how will our life ever go on... how will we survive ?
I often wonder if certain things hadn't happened how would life be for us ? I still feel like I'm lucky- we are lucky for the life experiences we have had so far... soo many good- and some a bit harder to see the good... but they've made us this family...this unit. I think we are stronger than ever. Dave and I both thank each other often..and we both think the other does more than ourself... he once said to me... See babe- that's why we're always going to stay strong and happy, ..We are grateful... for each other... He is right...
Days like today are a reflection... not necessarily a bad day, or an even more sad day than others... but a day to really consider things and reflect. Am I on a good path....is my family thriving... is there something I could be doing that maybe I'm not... or should I be more passionate about something I've been meaning to be ? I think this is proof that our life lessons are working and still teaching us... a reminder that if you walk in the garden and your roses aren't growing as big as you'd like or as vibrant........... it is time to pick the weeds. Get rid of the things and really be done with anything that is keeping your life from flourishing. These are the things that are important... real life stuff....
I miss that little boy more than any feeling in this world... I cannot compare any other instance or put into words how it feels everyday to wake up knowing I have a child in heaven and not here.... But I can see him working in our lives, our families lives and all of our true friends lives and it makes me feel like he is still here...and still mine.
I love our reflection, he is part of it....and I love our life....
We are very lucky
XO
XO
Thanks for sharing....your deepest thoughts and innermost feelings. You truly are an amazing writer and a more amazing person. I continue to reflect on your writings and keep learning....how to slow down, enjoy every moment, and how to be thankful for everything. Thank you my friend for being a part of my life even if there is distance between us. I think of you so often....as though there is a piece of Blake in Paige, even though they never met.....yet.
ReplyDeleteI was just reading through comments Trace..thank you so much for your sweet sweet words friend. You always have such wonderful things to say and I often think of and pray for sweet Paige... love ya babes-
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