Are you there YOU ...its me ... the Moment

I have to write about this...If you are reading this blog and you feel it may be about you,  it quite frankly may be.... it is one of those YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE BLOGS...

So we're sittin at lunch..3 of my best gal friends and myself... and first of all its hard for me to focus on just one thing...my mind is always listening , watching, thinking more than one thing at a time... but that's a whole different blog... and I'm panning the room and I notice..  I bet 60-75 percent of this WHOLE place was engrossed in their darn phone.  I look over to my right and theres this darling little boy, thirsting for his parents attention probably 2 yrs old, standing on his chair, leg up on the table and Mom and Dad both, right next to him nose to the phones.  It just made me sad.  Today when I went to get dinner I made it a point to try and recognize how many drivers were on their phone when I passed them.. I am not lying when I say, I think 3 were not..ALL others had their phone to their ear.   And thats just the drivers. 
Are we all really that busy or that important that all the things happening right now, right in front of our face are not as important as a message or as important as the things going on in others lives ?  Social networking is amazing.. I mean really , where would companies be, where would our economy be without it ?  But I also wonder,  where would our kids be without it and where would we be without it ?  I look back in just the very near past and I can't help but think, gosh, I know where we would be...  we would be where we are at the moment... All the way....not partially, not just one ear or one peek up then nose back in.  We would wholeheartedly be in that moment. You know, I'm not saying I'm not thankful for this day and age and that my kids will grow up with this amazing networktastic world.  I'm just saying,   I am thankful for the day and age in which I grew up,  and Wow how things change.   I have decided you know, I don't want to miss Now... when my kids are around and still awake or families around or  I'm with my friends... I am going to try and make it a point to live the moment I am surrounded by and enjoy the NOW... its the only Now we get and it is gone quicker than any web page can open...there is no refresh button..  It is just gone.

Happy Moments friends..

I can't wait one more 2nd..............

615am and there he was, standing next to my bed...staring at me as I slept........ then finally........

" Mommy, ......what time is Daddy getting up for work ?".... ..Not for a little while babe, jump in here.....what's up ? ... "Uggghh, I can't sleep,..... can we get up ?"-... "

Yep this little man we JUST brought into this world like yesterday was starting his first day of 2nd grade and he was super pumped !!.. He jumped out of our bed..threw on his carefully picked out clothes and darted down the steps... can we go out yet...pllleeeease ?? I had to remind him, he got up SUPER early and we can't go stand at the stop an hour and 1/2 early. He talked to me about the order of the bus line this year... that the littlest ones that are just starting should get to take the front spots to get on, and that last in line is the new first. We had breakfast, watched a couple shows ...then finally we went out to enjoy the early morning... he jumped on his bike and as soon as I said.. "Be careful buddy"........... BAM-... on the pavement and there it came, ..the delayed scream............... our neighbor came running, I was in slow mo running to get to him... God please no broken bones... its the FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL........... slow to get up, the crying didn't stop.. but all was ok... besides his pride as all the kids at the other stop witnessed "The accident" .......and about 5 layers of skin were missing from the right knee. All was still ok...

The bus came and they all posed for pics as they herded themselves onto the big yellow bus... barely tall enough to peer out the window at all of us as we waved at them wildly as if they were all being shipped off for days... Soo cute these little times....

I wonder as he goes and as the bus gets smaller in my view, ... How are we doing so far ??... When someone says "Good Morning Chase" ...will he say Good Morning back with a good tone and smile ? If he sees a kid that's sad or lost, ..will he lend them a hand or show them the way .........and will he never EVER be a bully and be there for those that may be bullied ? I realize about myself today that I don't often wonder what he will grow up to do with his life... I wonder what he will grow into and who he will be. Of course what he does is very important and it is NOW that is shaping him into the little man he is to become... It is days like today that we send them off on their own that are sooo important... those choices they make ..all on their own...

I hope he always shows his heart... uses his head... and broadens his mind..

Keep it up Chaser... don't be in such a hurry though... we definitely can wait..... at least a few more seconds..
xo

Hanging on.....and letting go...

We all have it ... its that one thing (if we're lucky its just one).... the thing we've known for so long that we just need to do, like a pit in our stomach- something we need to recognize, to tackle and take care of.... Going to visit someone you know you should of gone to see weeks, even months ago, making a phone call because facebook and texting have been your outs but you know they aren't cutting it... having a conversation with that one person you need to talk too and tell them how you really feel.. It could be visiting a grave and really letting go of the things you never got to say before they were gone ... or it could just be saying goodbye to something or someone that no longer adds quality.

These are all things we let hover over our heads everyday... we hang on to these "mind blocks" because they are important to us and we don't want to forget about them and what we need to do.....But no matter how much time goes by, that "thing" never goes away... It just builds...and gets bigger..... and it will continue to grow while stunting your own growth..........
Until you just do what needs to be done...
Say what needs to be said...
Feel what needs to be felt
..................and when you're done you have to let it go.

Hang on to the things that are a constant in your life and are positive... rely on those things that make you happy and make you feel good about YOU......... you deserve that peace.

Life is Simple, it's just not easy.................

Reflecting....

3 years ago I held you... It's like it was just last night but it feels like its been a lifetime. I remember everything...your smell... you always smelled amazing... the clothes I had on, the clothes you had on.. , the look on that nurses face from across the table as they tried to save you... and the look on Daddys face as he rushed through that door moments after your heart stopped beating and finally, I remember the very moment I watched your little soul leave your body, I watched your face change a bit as it did....as if it hovered just for a moment to make sure we were going to be ok......... and then it went.......

I remember wondering... how will our life ever go on... how will we survive ?

I often wonder if certain things hadn't happened how would life be for us ? I still feel like I'm lucky- we are lucky for the life experiences we have had so far... soo many good- and some a bit harder to see the good... but they've made us this family...this unit. I think we are stronger than ever. Dave and I both thank each other often..and we both think the other does more than ourself... he once said to me... See babe- that's why we're always going to stay strong and happy, ..We are grateful... for each other... He is right...

Days like today are a reflection... not necessarily a bad day, or an even more sad day than others... but a day to really consider things and reflect. Am I on a good path....is my family thriving... is there something I could be doing that maybe I'm not... or should I be more passionate about something I've been meaning to be ? I think this is proof that our life lessons are working and still teaching us... a reminder that if you walk in the garden and your roses aren't growing as big as you'd like or as vibrant........... it is time to pick the weeds. Get rid of the things and really be done with anything that is keeping your life from flourishing. These are the things that are important... real life stuff....

I miss that little boy more than any feeling in this world... I cannot compare any other instance or put into words how it feels everyday to wake up knowing I have a child in heaven and not here.... But I can see him working in our lives, our families lives and all of our true friends lives and it makes me feel like he is still here...and still mine.

I love our reflection, he is part of it....and I love our life....

We are very lucky
XO