In your Room

Sometimes I go in there, well actually I go in there often, and if I’m not going to go in there, I look in there everytime I pass by your room.

In your room a few minutes ago was a flashback to the night we were putting up your border, it was July of 07, you were still wrapped up safely in my belly and I remember being in awe of your Daddy, as usual. He had just finished the border and I remember looking at this tiny 3 inch gap between your closet doors that he perfectly cut a piece of border that matched up end to end with the continuing sides… he knew it would drive me crazy if it didn't flow. I just remember the feelings we had that night…so excited for your arrival 8 short weeks away. Everything had to be just so, clothes washed and put in the drawers perfectly, tiny little dress clothes hung by size in the closet, hats that would be way too big, and tiny rolls of socks waiting to be snug on your feet.

I feel very close to you Blakey , In your room.

I remember thinking everything is just perfect we are ready.

I walked in and out of that room, adjusting and daydreaming everyday anticipating your arrival and imagining you there under the perfect little mobile.

In your room there’s still so much of you there. The positive pregnancy test, the ultrasound pictures, the tiny bracelets from the day you were born and the day you died, tiny handprints and footprints frozen in time, a perfect lock of your hair, the outfit you had on that night, the blanket we wrapped you up in that night, your album, your tiny hand and foot castings and the monitor we used every night to hear you if you whimpered, I saw Dad turn it on and just listen not too long ago... he didn't know I saw him.

I realize I still imagine you there and if I try really hard, I can still hear you and see your face light up when I come around the corner and you see me…