I feel like I lost my voice for a bit. I'm not really sure if I did, or if it was my minds way of giving me a break . I just haven't expressed my thoughts thru writing in quite a while. So many good things have happened in the past 5 months. Chase graduated pre-school and started Kindergarten, he finished his 2nd season of Tball, and the 3 of us had probably the most amazing summer we've ever had, boating and traveling in and out of town with friends and just spending the days and nights outside with our neighborhood family.
We also have some very big news, in August we found out we're expecting Baby G # 3 and are thrilled..........terrified........overjoyed. That second word really just describes me, because Dave would never be terrified. I don't even think he's nervous.. I think he worries for me and for our family but nervous, terrified... never words for Dave. He is a pillar of strength in this house and spreads his positive vibes through this world as we all should. I am currently 11 weeks along and feel amazing... never a moment of sickie, just a little sleepier than usual... but feel very healthy and ready for this new adventure.
I've prayed for 5 more minutes with Blakey ever since the night he left this earth..and I just have to share. Last week, Dave gets up and leaves at 630am and I am up and out of bed by 650am...we always kiss each other and say goodbye before he goes and then I roll over for another 20 minutes... Well that day, I must of fell asleep..and I had the most vivid dream. I was with Blakey and he was healthy and so very alive and I was dressing him in a white cotton long sleeve onesie...and it was so big on him and we were cracking up and I was rolling the sleeves up over his sweet wrists... and snapping it all the way up his tiny little body... and then I wrapped him up in my arms and he was laying long ways along my body with his little head in the crease of my left arm ... we were kissing and laughing and I could hear his little giggle that I miss so much and his sweet little dimple in his right cheek... and then all of a sudden... I fell to the ground with him in my arms and just squeezed him so tightly and told him how I've been praying for this since the night we had to let him go... and I started screaming that I don't want to let go this time... it was like I knew in my dream that I was about to wake up... and I didn't want too... and I told him how much we miss him and how thankful we are to him for the strength he emulates through to us... it was amazing.. and then I woke up... I knew that I had just had this awesome moment people pray for.. and it all happened within 20 minutes. I could never express in words how it really felt... but it was empowering and real. And I am so grateful for that to be the vision I have very fresh in my mind of Blakey...and now, I think that will be the way I feel I last saw him. Happy, giggling, and a promise of hope for many good things to come for our family... and knowing he is just one precious moment away and may come to any of us as we peacefully drift away to sleep......
This life is a blessing... and we are living it....
Love you friends and just always remember..... cherish the days, the moments...
Kel..
Kelly...I cherish each little moment a little more because of you. I can't tell you how often I think of you and Blake...who I never had a chance to meet but I feel like I know just the same. Blessings to you my friend.
ReplyDeleteKel, I got goosebumps. I do believe that our loved ones can visit us in our dreams and I feel in my heart that Blakey did just that. If anyone I know would be visited by an angel, it would be you. You talk about Dave being a pillar of strength, but you are the light that brightens everyone's day. Whenever I tell people about you, I tell them that, about your zest for life and how amazing you are. We are all blessed for knowing you, and I think God has great plans for you.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to find out you're having a girl!
Kelly,
ReplyDeleteYour cousin, Sandy, passed along your blog to me. She is a good friend of my husband's, as they went to college together.
Like you, I have also lost a son. In October of 2008, I gave birth to my son, Isaac, who passed away 16 minutes after he was born. He was diagnosed with a rare sequence of congenital birth defects in utero at 12 weeks; at 20 weeks, we learned that his condition was fatal. It is the hardest and most painful thing to lose a child.
And like you, I am also pregnant again. We're anticipating the arrival of our daughter, Eliana Jane, in mid-March. It is so hard to balance the missing with the joyful anticipation of a new little person, isn't it?
I just wanted you to know that I am here if you ever wanted to talk. My email is coolteacher79@yahoo.com, and I , too, have a blog at http://sgirl79.blogspot.com
~ Stacy