Wow .... I miss you.
Right now is rough… and I’m not sure why some moments are tougher than others, but they just are. Last night Daddy was cleaning out his truck and he felt under his seat, and out he pulled one of your onesies… I remember that onesie and I remember why we changed it… and when I saw it, it was like I was back in that moment, we were at Chases Tball game and I was feeding you carrots and you loved em so much that they got all over you… I went to Dads truck and we got you all nice and cleaned up …it must have fallen on the floor and somehow ended up under his seat…I think it was meant to be found now. Its things like that that are happening, I was doing laundry the other day and felt something drop on the floor, and I looked down and it was a tiny pair of your little socks, one of my favorite pairs because they stayed on your feet so snug …I just must have missed them before, I’m not that behind on laundry…but I think you are sending me little messages that you’re still here and that you always will be. Every single night it seems like I lay in bed as your daddy falls asleep quickly and I just lay there and I think about those last hours we had together and how we spent them… we spent them totally and utterly in love …you were so cozed up on my shoulder and I would run my hand over your head, your beautiful reddish little comb over… and looking back I feel like that’s how we spent most all of your time here…you were always cozed up on someones shoulder buddy… Please stay there Toots… please guide me with the questions I have in my head, I know you know the answers… please bring those answers to me somehow…
I love you buddy and I miss you so so much…please keep leaving things for me to find…
Love forever, … Mommy
